Monday, March 19, 2012

Merry Christmas?

How honest should you be when writing a blog, I wonder? When I read books, and very often I read autobiographies of people in similar situations to Alan and I, that have taken the somewhat brave/ crazy choice to opt out of the lives we used to lead, and try a totally different life style. These books always have light and shade, laughter and sadness, as their lives change in many different ways. Of course on one hand I could pour my heart out, but on the other hand I will always respect my families privacy, so I shall endeavour to do both as well as I can.
I apologise if I am repeating myself in any way, but I want to remind myself, as well as any readers, that when Alan and I decided to move to Spain, I was unwell. I really had n't simply chosen to opt out, I really needed to, and could not really see another option at that time. Had I not been ill, I'm sure I would still be living in Brighton, teaching my wonderful dancers. Thank the Lord it was nothing drastic, but an illness that just meant I could not perform my wonderful life as a dance teacher to the best of my ability. My son was in a relationship with a lovely lady, and he was a proper grown up. My daughter was younger, and she did come to Spain with us, and with her lovely partner, however as we are so rural, they were desperate for the buzz of a lively town, and went back to Brighton after about three months. I never in a million years thought that a) .... both my son and daughter would separate from their partners, and b)...... each have a beautiful baby girl, (my son, by a different, although equally lovely lady) turning me to become a doting nanny, sadly from a distance!
Last year I was extremely lucky to have my daughter here for Christmas, with her gorgeous girlie Kaci, and plus Kaci's daddy too. However circumstances this year have made me realise that I will never have my beautiful granddaughters with me, over Christmas again! Of course I totally understand that when a couple split up, that the parents have the extremely difficult task of only having part of any special occasion with their child, and that must be heartbreaking. As Christmas got closer this year, this was cementing more and more in my mind.
I tried so hard to think of it as "just another day" but I just could n't and I have to admit to becoming pretty down about it. I was also extremely cross with myself too! I know how lucky I am in life, with a wonderful partner and two great kids and two gorgeous bright grandgirlies. I just could n't snap out of it. I became even more angry with myself when a dear friend told me she was thinking about me over Christmas, when she had lost a son a few years ago. I could nt imagine how she copes day to day, and how dare I feel like I was!!!
Alan was his normal patient caring self, but I was having a low period, to say the least. Luckily over Christmas Eve and Christmas Day we had two rather lovely experiences to enable me to take my mind off of things for a little bit.
On the afternoon of Christmas Eve we had a visit from around eight horses including two beautiful foals. We could here bells very close. Usually the mare will wear a bell then the farmers can hear where the herd have "escaped" to. Yes the fencing of our local farmers is very poor, so we often get 4 legged visitors, which I have to admit we love.
Alan feeds one of the foals

Kittens Messi and Xavi come for a look!

So does Rafa the alpaca!
That horse actually became rather special to us, when I finally catch up on my blog, you will read why!!!
Christmas morning I woke up to a lovely catch up on skype with the family and girls. Thank the Lord for whoever invented skype, I say! It is one thing to chat to your children on the phone but to be able to see them, and the children playing and to be able to interact with them is just wonderful! They were both having Christmas dinner with people dear to them and I was very happy about that, I think Alan and I had a lidl chicken, but it was fine! During the course of the afternoon Alan called me outside, we had another visitor. The farmer whose land is closest to us has donkies on it, one had escaped and we had our own "little white donkey" come to see us for Christmas!

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