Yes my Frankie is expecting baby number two, and once again the feelings of should I be here, or back in Brighton come back to haunt me!
I would never have thought in a million years I would live anywhere other than, as close to my kids as possible. Myself, I hardly left my parent's sides. As an only child with wonderful doting parents, I was lucky. I was never spoilt in a materialistic way, but certainly when God, or whoever chose my mum and dad for me, I was extremely lucky. I lived at home until I married, then my husband and I moved back into part of their house, when I was expecting my son, Mark. There I stayed until they both passed away. Personally I feel a little more distance between us may have been healthier, as grieving was so painful, but hey life goes on, and we are talking about my children, and grandchildren now!
My handsome dad in his RAF uniform
My mum holding me!
I think through a bit of guilt of not being with my children, I feel as though I want to share some things. When I was unwell, and Alan and I discussed moving away, Mark was already living with his lovely girlfriend. They had been together for a few years and seemed stable and very happy. Of course I don't love my son any less than I do my daughter, but boys don't necessarily feel the need to talk to their Mum every day. Frankie and I however have always chatted a lot. Maybe that's just a woman thing! When Frankie decided to come to Spain with us, with her boyfriend at the time, I was really over the moon! To be perfectly honest if she had said she wanted to stay in the UK, I'm really not sure what I would have done. I'm not sure I would be here now!
Frankie with Kaci
Mark with Maisie
I felt I needed to change my life, and the thought of stopping being a dance teacher and yet seeing my lovely dancers all move to other teachers and schools would have been really tough, so we decided a clean break was the answer. As regular readers of my blog, or anyone that has read Alan's book will know, 3 months down the line, Frankie and Chris decided to return to England. We had promised them a car, and work etc. Unfortunately the world crisis had just begun and we hadn't managed to even sell our house back in the UK. Things were tough for them, and at 19 I'm not sure I could have lived here permenantly! I know it wasn't a decision they came to lightly but they moved back. As much as in some ways I feel as though I abondoned my kids, I sincerely hope they don't feel that way.
At the moment I have 2 beautiful grandgirlies. Frankie's little darling is Kaci, and Mark's little beauty is Maisie, both aged 3. So different, but both gorgeous and real little characters. My daughter suprised me with the news on me becoming a nanny again on skype, when she first found out she was pregnant. As always, us mums worry about things, timing, money, work etc, but then I would be the first to say a) the timing will rarely be perfect and b) things happen for a reason!
My gorgeous daughter has been working hard, and thank goodness the summer holidays are on us now so she can relax a bit (as much as a lively 3 year old will let you). She is strarting to bloom in every way, and Jordan her boyfriend is understandably over the moon.
I can't wait to see her and Kaci in just over a weeks time, for some nanny, mummy, daughter, granddaughter love!
The girls going strawberry picking together
Enjoying an ice cream after!